Evanisms
Evan is peeling a banana at the table and dropping the banana peels on the floor. When he's done, I ask him to pick them up and throw them away.
Evan: Nooooo, that's too wet.
Me: You dropped it, so please pick that up.
Evan: Nooooo, that's too banana-ey.

We are at the toy store picking out a toy for his best friend's Birthday. We're looking at an assortment of realistic-looking dinosaurs. I really like the one with the spikes on his back, but I can tell he likes the other ones.
Me: Evan, look at this one.
Evan: No, I like this one.
Me: Did you see the spikes on his back?
Evan (while getting ready to tip him over with his finger): No... his feet are too small. He falls over (knocks him over with finger).

We made a paper link thing to signify how many days are left until we go to California. Every day he takes off a link and counts how many links are left over to find out how many days are left. Today:
Me: Ok Evan, take off a link. When all the links are gone, we leave for California.
Evan: No, I take off three links.
Me: No, we take off one each day.
Evan: I take off two links?

Evan the negotiator
Evan: Evan go pee pee, get thirty-one gummy bears!
Me: No, you always get just two gummy bears.
Evan: Evan go pee pee in potty, wash hands, use soap, get four gummy bears, put on pants!
Me: No, two gummy bears.
Evan: Five?

Later
Me: Evan, it's time to brush your teeth.
Evan: I brush teeth, get gummy bears?
Me: No, we don't get candy after brushing our teeth.
Evan: Brush teeth, get one gummy bear?
Me: Evan, you brush your teeth and then your mouth smells good and you get to keep your teeth.
Evan: Nooo... I brush my teeth and I get gum!
Me: No, you keep your teeth.
Evan: I get a mint?