You know it's love when...
6 1/2 weeks
Today I sang to him in spite of the fact that I cannot sing and don't like the sound of my own voice. I sang "doe a deer a female deer, ray a drop of golden sun..." and he broke out into a huge smile! It was a smile of true happiness and love. Apparantly I have a voice only my baby would love. Good enough for me.

colic update
Last week we saw a different pediatrician because we were convinced he has reflux (babies can have the same heartburn that adults have, and it causes a lot of crying and spitting up) and Evan's main pediatrician didn't seem open to discussing it. This other pediatrician said Evan may very well have reflux, but the diagnostic test is invasive, and if he does have reflux, the medication has serious side effects, one of them having some affect on bone marrow. I don't remember what it was, but I know we don't want to mess with his bone marrow. So we decided to leave this issue alone and do what we can to comfort him in other ways (giving him gas relief drops, propping up his basinette at a 30 degree angle, rocking him, etc.)

This other pediatrician also said he doesn't believe it's possible for a baby to have an allergy to something in mom's breast milk. But what about all the books that discuss milk allergy as a serious thing, as well as actual stories about baby's colic being cured after moms cut out milk? He said he had no explanation for me, just that there is no actual evidence that this kind of allergy occurs.

So I re-introduced milk slowly. What happened? Fussy baby returned. The last four days he has cried after eating, spits up more often, and just seems inconsolable in general. We had a good two weeks where his crying could be consoled and he was much happier. So I am back to being dairy-free, which means no butter, no chocolate, no yogurt, no ice cream sundaes... maybe I'll take off the rest of my baby fat on this diet.

The other news (which is a big deal to me but probably not to anyone else) is that I am temporarily eating meat again after being a vegetarian for seven years. I'm not going to eat steak or anything crazy, but I've got to get more protein and B vitamins now that I am not getting them from milk products and the baby is depending on me for nutrition.

Yesterday he smiled at his mobile
His attention span has increased greatly, and he loves his mobile. He stares at it for 10-15 minutes at a time while smiling, cooing, and pumping his legs. Yesterday, he smiled at it.

growth spurt
6 weeks
All the books say they go through a growth spurt at 6 weeks. Boy, is that an understatement. Since Friday, he has been eating once every 1-2 hours. During the night, he's been waking up about every 1.5 hours, and it takes him at least a half hour to eat and be burped. I'm really tired.

Jerry and I are sharing the responsibility of watching him. I keep wondering how single moms do this on their own. Jerry watches the baby in the evening, and I have him during the night. We take turns watching Evan during the day so that we can each have a nap.

Although I'm pooped, all this eating has been good for him. He is currently 12 pounds, 8 ounces (they are supposed to gain at least 1 oz per day, so he's ahead of the game). He's now heavier than the cat.

I'm going to go take a nap now.

The cutest thing EVER
5 1/2 weeks
Evan's learning to talk babytalk! Jerry put him on the changing table and Evan started saying things like "ahhh" and "waaag" and "aaayyyy". I came in and started saying "oooohhh" with my lips in an exaggerated O and "eeeee" in a high pitchced voice. Soon he was saying things that sounded vaguely like O, and eeees. The whole time his arms where waving all around and his legs were kicking in mad excitement while he maintained eye contact with me. This went on for a few minutes, until we integrated tickling of his tummy, he became overstimulated, and started to fuss.
I think Jerry and I simultaneously melted.
Right now Jerry is rocking Evan to "Rock Lobster" by the B-52s, a kitcshy 60's song. For the second time, this song has mellowed him out. He is sitting (lounging, in fact) on Jerry's lap and looking straight up at his dad. It's nice to be admired by him.

Happy Baby II: Electric Boogaloo
I agree with everything Andrea said, Evan is growing up. We have seen a marked diffrence in his "being," for lack of a better word. He is amazing to watch. When he's angry, he has so much control over his head and body that he looks like a real baby (when he's relaxed he's still kinda marshmellowy, but that's ok, marshmellow babies are the best babies). He hangs out more now, which is wonderful. For the last few weeks, when he was awake he was fussy and sleep was the only refuge. Now, since the weekend or so, he just sorta lounges around. He'll lay in our arms, sit on our lap and, best of all, lay in his bassinette. All without screaming bloody murder, in fact, he looks slightly amused. He's developed a smirk, a sideways glance and the beginnings of a coo. The pucker thing is fun, too and we'll have pictures of that soon.

I wonder how much of his "maturing" has to do with our "maturing." I think we are finally getting a better feel for this parenting thing, though we're not masters by a long shot. The fact that he now lays in his bassinette without screaming may have a little to do with us not rushing in like the calvary at the slightest bleet. We also don't mind the crying as much as at first, but then again, his crying isn't as stress inducing as it was. I dunno. I think we're finally getting to know our roles and responsibilities a bit more. I guess that means everything will change completely now and we'll be left wondering what the hell we're supposed to do...

On a non-baby note, what are your impressions of hypnotherapy? I was thinking about seeing one for some help with weight-loss, but in my research I've found mixed impressions on their effectiveness. I've read that people with hightened imaginations take to hypnotism whereas total skeptics are unable to be affected. Has anyone used a hypnotherapist? How cool would it be to BE a hypnothereapist? Would you become drunk with power? Click on the comments button below to reply, or drop me a line at jerry(at)stumpvalley(dot)com.

Meanwhile, check this guy out... Bill Blank Hypnotherapist/Keeper of the Meaning of Life.

Onward and upward.

P.S. This is a joke link. I would never take this guy seriously. Thanks for everyone's concern. Also, sorry for the troubles with the comments. I'm using a service called enetation and they are hit and miss sometimes. Refresh if you don't see the link.

P.S.S. Thanks for everyone's excellent advice. I've contacted a few hypnotherepists and have found a couple that seem "grounded." I'm very suprised by how many of y'all aren't skeptical about hypnotism. I sorta am skeptical, but sounds very interesting.

happy baby
Evan is starting to change already. He is discovering his world – looking around more, making eye contact with us and with strangers at the mall, smiling more often, starting to coo, and occasionally giggling (OK, he did that twice). Yesterday morning I put Evan on the bed so Jerry could watch him while I took a shower. Jerry opened his eyes and saw Evan staring at him with a huge, gummy smile on his face. What a great way to wake up! Later that day I was changing Evan’s diaper (which he normally hates), and he gave me a long, heavenly smile.

He still fusses, but it’s been awhile since he cried for hours on end. Although it’s mean to say so, he’s really cute when he’s angry. He pumps his legs up and down and then gets his arms into it. I gave him a bath yesterday, and before he decided if he liked it or not, he started in with the legs… he looked like he was riding a tricycle.

Another cute thing he does: he puckers. Right now he is being held by his nana (which is the only reason I have time to write this), and he’s sound asleep with a perfect pucker to his lips. He also does this before he eats and when I’m changing him. I’m not sure what it means, but it’s cute.

I think we’re starting to solve some of the mysteries that make up Mr. Evan. For awhile there, he would only sleep while being held. I would hold him on my tummy while we slept at an incline. And while I could sleep, I couldn’t sleep very deeply. But whenever I put him down in his bassinette, he would cry. Finally I learned that if I wait until he’s in a very deep sleep, I can put him down and he’ll sleep there. (I’m sure this is obvious to every other parent out there, but it took us 5 weeks to figure it out.) He slept in his bassinette the last two nights in a row and only cried when he was hungry. It was blissful!

I’ve started going to this new mom’s support group at Kaiser on Mondays. Many of the “new” moms have babies that are almost a year old, which speaks to the success of the group. There are about 10-15 moms on any given week, and they bring their babies and go around the room and ask about things like the mysterious rash on their baby’s neck, how to get baby to sleep through the night, or how to solve this or that breastfeeding problem. One mom asked a series of questions about her 6-week old, and I felt like she was talking about Evan. Every question she had, from the baby not wanting to sleep without being held, to eating very very frequently and crying for hours on end, sounded like Evan. By the time they got to me, I didn’t have any questions to ask because they’d all been answered. It made me realize we’re not alone.

Oh, one more cute Evan story: I was holding him over my shoulder on the couch, and I pulled him away from me to look at his face. His eyes were very wide, filled with wonder, transfixed on something very interesting, which seemed to be moving in circles. I looked behind me and there was a black fly. So his eyesight is pretty good, and flies are apparently very fascinating!

baby's first overnighter
This weekend was my 10-year high school reunion. We made the trek to my home town of Petaluma and left Evan at my sister's house, which happened to be about 6 blocks away from the party. Just as we were about to leave her house, Evan started in with his little cough cough cough, meaning, I am about to cry, so Jerry quickly ushered me out the door.

The reunion was fun. I saw a lot of people I had forgotten about plus met up with some long lost girl friends I feared I would never see again. Thankfully, no one went up to me and scolded me for the horrible way I treated them, so I considered that to be a good sign.

After a few hours we started to miss Evan horribly, and when we realized we were talking to everyone about the cute way he wakes up, the cute way he breathes when he's eating, and the cute noises he makes in his sleep, we realized it was time to go.

We spent the night in the carriage house (little house out back) which was good because we didn't have to worry about Evan waking everyone while they slept. We had a pretty good night with him. He only cried for about an hour (on Jerry's shift) so Jerry took him for a walk. He was calm and peaceful as Jerry pushed him in the stroller, but he started to cry as soon as they returned. Why do babies do that? It's like they are only peaceful when they are being tended to.

We slept in until 11:00 (with only feeding interruptions) which was great. Being away from home makes you forget about laundry and dishes and bills that need to be paid. The last hour of our morning in bed, the baby was laying between Jerry and I breathing all heavy while Jerry and I stared at him. I didn't think this kind of thing would ever make me happy, but it does.

Cute
Andrea forgot to mention just how cute he is. It takes him about 10 minutes to fully wake up from a nap. First he sorta smacks his lips and maybe a leg kick or two. A couple minutes will pass then a couple more lip smacks, a grunt and his breathing gets heavier. After a few more minutes of that he begins to streeeeeeeeeeetch, nearly contorting himself backwards like some hungarian gymnast, and his eyes finally open. All the while he's grunting, smacking lips, cooing and breathing heavy, and generally being so cute that teddy bears openly weep. Once his eyes are open though we have 2 minutes before he becomes "demanding."

Yesterday was great because he wasn't fussy for a little while in the afternoon and we just hung out together. At one point I looked down at him and sang a little Dean Martin, "Everybody loves somebody, sometiiiiime" in my best lounge lizard voice and he cracked up. He gave me a great big smile and repeated it for a couple more renditions so his momma could see his bright beautiful smile.

He's holding his head up so well. We've totally worn out our joke, "You hold your head up like a man TWICE your age," but he really is amazing to watch. The only thing is, his noodle neck strikes without warning. He gets his head up and does so well looking around that he gets a little excited and gets on his wonder face, "oooooooooooo," then POW! faceplant right into my shoulder or Zaaaaang... backwards until we catch him. Much crying ensues.

We also have a buncha names for him already. My fave is Cheeky-Monkey, but we also use Bright Eyes (monkey theme?) for when he first wakes up and Bear when he gets a little too ornery. I constantly ask him who is the ace number one son around here, but he has yet to answer.

Nana has had good luck lulling him with Old McDonald. My voice being so frenetically disturbing, I try not to sing very often, so I rely on the stereo and lucked into finding a CD that works wonders. Chris Isaak's Baja Sessions. He has the smoothest voice this side of a Memphis tombstone, and his low key delivery and guitar are hypnotic. Now, I've loved this CD for years, but Evan has truely made it his own. He has to be a little tired for it to work, we can't just throw it in for any old fussy, but if he's wailing because he's tired, by track 5 he's out everytime. Needless to say, we are so thankful for this gem, but since we listen to it 10 times a day, after he outgrows this colic, we will thankful NEVER to listen to it again.

He's cute all of the time. Can I say that? Am I gonna be THAT kind of parent? I guess so because I am also an honest person and honostly, he is CUTE and ADORABLE and LOVING and AMAZING and....

four weeks
Today is his four week birthday. It seems like I gave birth six months ago.

After cutting out milk almost a week ago (last Monday), his crying became less intense and frequent. Then Thursday night rolled around, and we were up all night with him. He cried and seemed like he was in pain. I cried too, a little.

Friday we saw the pediatrician again, and he said he does not suspect milk allergy, but thinks this is a case of good ole' colic. He said the dairy products in my milk could have made it worse, and I should still stay away from dairy, but Evan's symptoms are more characteristic of colic (crying for blocks of time around the same time every day, for about 3 hours at a time, and bringing his knees up to his chest or arching his back). No one knows the cause or the cure for colic, but it's believed to be a bad case of intestinal upset (gas). It can last up to 3 months.

Still, he's awfully sweet. There's no better feeling in the world than falling asleep tummy to tummy with a baby.

first smile
What an eventful weekend. It was marked by excessive crying, and his first smile.

First, the smile. In between bouts of fussiness and general unhappiness, he smiled at his daddy. Jerry was holding him up, sticking his tongue out over and over again while making funny tongue noises. The baby was staring intently at this. (For the first two weeks, they don't stare much at anything because their eyesight isn't really developed. He just recently started staring at things.) After watching his dad for some time, he let out a big, satisfied smile. Jerry told everyone to come (we were at my mom's house) and after we gathered around, he gave his dad a few more big, bright, gummy smiles. These were not the same smiles he gives us when he has gas. They were true smiles with eye contact and all. We have witnesses.

Later his uncle Bob (my brother) stuck his tongue out over and over, but without the sound effects. Evan slowly started to stick his tongue out, and had this look on his face like Bob was the most amazing person in the world (after his mom and dad, of course). It was so cute.

These cute moments were sandwiched in between fussy ones. Saturday was pretty bad... he cried except when sleeping and eating. Sunday was worse. He was not interested in eating or sleeping, and he was either screaming bloody murder or else fussy-type crying. We were so frustrated and sad for him. He seemed to be in pain and exhausted. Whenever he fell asleep for a few minutes, he would wake up, spit up, and then cry. He seemed to have intestinal upset.

Today I took him to the pediatrician and he suspects the baby has an allergy to milk protein from my milk. So I have to go off dairy products for five days and then return to the doctor to see if he has improved. He either has colic (another word for your baby cries a lot and we don't know why) or else he has this allergy. Although I don't want to give up milk, I hope that this is the problem because that means the problem is solvable.

Currently he is sleeping and making the occasional grunting noise. Have I mentioned this is the most boyish baby I have ever seen? I don't think anyone will be confused by his gender.